things my successor should know - 15 december 2000

hello, my successor, whoever you are a year and a half from now. here are some tips to make your life easier, at work and in japan.

1. you don't know the words to the children's song "head and shoulders". you have no idea how the tune goes. and, no matter what happens in any elementary school classroom, you are completely and totally unable to learn "head and shoulders". trust me on this.

2. the child(ren) running through the teachers' room being periods may seem like a nuisance. thank your lucky stars for this/these child(ren), as he/she/they are the reasons the teachers have to smoke outside.

3. do not, i repeat, *not* order the same thing twice during your first couple of weeks at the town office. if you do, it will be continually commented on throughout the first three months in the town. people here want to see you as they want to see you, "in the most convinient terms and the simplest definitions". deny them this opportunity.

4. for crying out loud, try different foods, experiences, drinks, etc. you're in a country whose cultural assumptions are almost the complete opposite of your home country. very few people have an opportunity to play around with the values with which they've been raised and see which ones make sense and which ones don't.

5. understand that to some people, you are a circus sideshow, and they are eager to do things like get you drunk, provoke you, etc. just to amuse themselves. then there are those who don't care what you have to drink, won't express shock when you start drinking water or juice instead of beer or sake, and will in general look out for you. you'll be able to separate the wheat from the chaff pretty quickly, i think. but now you know how it felt for that japanese exchange student when people demanded of him/her: "hey! say something in japanese!", ne?

6. certain people may seem weird, obsequious, whatever, but have a good heart. there's one older woman whose seat i occasionally glance at to see if any eggs have been laid. and another whose phone voice has the most annoying rising intonation at the end of sentences that i've ever heard. but, like many others here, people like this are truly interested in you and your interests and the culture from which you come to japan. the flip side to this is that you will encounter people on subways and other public places who will find another seat when you sit near them. 20th century japan tolerates the west as an amusing curiosity, but she doesn't want to draw too close lest she become tainted by our un-japanese ways.

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